Unlike with sharks, there is no classic musical interlude that warns you of an approaching creepy crawler. Without warning, you simply turn your head to the unseemly sight of too many gangly hairy spindly legs. Cue the cardio burst towards the door and the declarations to the gods above that if they slay this monstrous beast you shall present to them your first born child.
Then, right as you run up to little Timmy’s room and snatch him out of the crib to be raised Simba-style to the heavens, the bug flies out of an open window and you are left apologizing to a grumpy toddler while laughing nervously to displace the blush spreading over your cheeks.
Because it’s foolish to be afraid of bugs, and we all know it.
And yet most all of us are scared witless at the mere mention of the b-word.
- Because they look ugly? So do I every Monday morning. Eye-gunk can be just as disturbing as pollen-gook
- Because some are considered poisonous? Put down that Big Mac long enough to consider what’s really killing you.
- Because we don’t understand them? I don’t understand my teenage brother (though admittedly, there are times I’d like to swat him).
- Because of bad past experiences? Once I fell off my bike. And yet, like most functioning members of society, I am not thrown into a panic at the sight of bicycles.
- Because of the movies? Please, A Bug’s Life is a cinema classic that teaches you to root for the underbug.
- Because you suffer from arachnophobia? OK, that makes sense actually.
- Because others are afraid? If my mom wears corduroy overalls does that mean that I should too? (That line just caused more chills than any bug could ever have done).
- Because they’re tiny? Take two big steps in the opposite direction of the insect. It will now take them a month to reach you.
- Because they look different than us? So does absolutely every single thing on this planet. My cat looks different than me, but when she’s not hissing in my face I still love her oh so much.
There are so many reasons to dislike bugs. And there are so many reasons why those reasons are stupid.
Let’s just hope I can remember those reasons the next time a spider crawls out from under the couch and I’m tempted to trap it under a bowl until I can reach little Timmy.